New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
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And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
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I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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