I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
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And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
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A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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