Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
