my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Randomize
