We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
