I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
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