Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
