Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
She told me I should be a condom model.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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