dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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