As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
