i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
