i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
