My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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