Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
