He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
