I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
