Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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