Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
