Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i just sent this text using only my big toe
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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