gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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