Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
