would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Randomize
