this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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