His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
