he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
