you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
no. you can't hotbox the world.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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