White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
