Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
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