I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
