I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
