I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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