I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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