I think I am morally bankrupt
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
