My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
