I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
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