how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
This is my gift to your gina
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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