cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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