he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
false alarm, still single
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
