A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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