If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
He better not be in your backpack
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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