Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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