FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
