That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
