Say something about gay babies.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
