he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
