The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Randomize
