Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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