Betty ford says i'm here all night
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
