I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
