Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
