I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
