Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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