What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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