I'm gonna have a badass scar
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
