I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
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His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
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He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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