if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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