I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
