he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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