we're chasing vodka with high fives
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
