'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
