He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
