When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
