My sheets look like a crime scene.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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