i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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