Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
