is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
