I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
