I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
