evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
