so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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