This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
