Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
