Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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