I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
