I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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